How I manage to express and handle my anger/aggressiveness

In our modern culture, we tend to believe that showing anger is something bad. In fact, anger is one of those emotions that has been repressed since centuries and I would say very much misunderstood. Depending on where you live or how you were raised, you will look at that emotion from different perspectives but generally, it is designed as negative.

In my case, I can say that I have a strong temper. I can react very impulsively as my first response to anything that seems dangerous to me. In my article about agitation, I wrote that within the elements of nature I am fire and air. During my adolescence, whenever I got triggered, I felt both elements mixing and waves of aggressiveness filling my body. I always thought that it was very bad to feel that so I tried to repress those feelings most of my life but they kept showing up.

As I read about spirituality and how sexuality is described as being the most powerful creative force that we have, I suddenly became aware that my aggressiveness, that fire in me, boiling within air, was trying to find ways to express itself to the world. There weren’t always the best ways I choose for it to be expressed because of shame and guilt.

As I dived deeper into meditation, I started to speak with that emotion. I started to imagine it being its own consciousness and asked “what do you need to feel good again”.

Here is what I got:

Message number 1: Scream the hell out of you.

I felt very confused on this one and it took me years to take the courage and do exactly that: scream the HELL out of me. So, if you can relate and you know yourself well enough that you do have a fiery character, try to find any way safe to scream. You can try to do that by holding a cushion tightly in front of your face and by starting slow perhaps. Get comfortable with your voice making sounds and wanting to be loud and louder without hurting yourself and anyone else.

Imagine being a wild animal, what would you be? Naturally, people who tend to have a very emotional character, they really feel related to wild animals like lions. Look at how they rawr, and try to do the same. Your voice will tell you what sound it wants and needs to make most. You need to get out of your thoughts and fears to seem “ridiculous” because the only ridiculous thing there is is thinking that you don’t feel that. Be that animal and get in touch with its strengths.

Finally, you can scream in your car with loud music on or under water. Get comfortable within your own voice but also within your own primitive strength that we mostly repress. You can even listen to primitive music and move your body but to release your anger, I bed your voice needs to come out of you without being judged.

Prepare yourself before you do that. Treat it like a time for yourself, just not in silence but in deep noise! Prepare yourself by drinking water, get ready and warm up your voice. It can feel even more unnatural because you prepare, but it is a moment for yourself. And then fix a time, for 20 minutes you can scream the hell out of you. Get grounded, and scream. Give yourself permission to do so and after come back again.

Your throat might get dry, take care of it. Do this for a few months with resting times in between. This should be the beginning of your journey before you start to analyse it deeper and how to find different ways to express it.

Message number 2: Sing.

This one was a tuff one for me. I knew somewhere deep down in me, I always wanted to sing. But I can tell that there was no way I would try it, because of my low self beliefs that I cannot sing and even try to speak through music.

Something powerful happened in my life, I can’t write about it clearly, but life brought me so far that I took the final decision to go and start singing classes with a coach.

Guess what? After 6-8 months of practice, I now not only sing, but I sing rock deep vocal bands like Tonight alive and I’m finding my way out of that shame. Stepping into my creativity and instinctual part was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

Being able to sing and scream through music, is one of the most liberating things I’ve ever experienced. This literally changed me from the inside. After one year and a half of practice, my self-esteem begun to really regenerate. I now appreciate my aggressiveness, my fire, my anger and rage whenever it presents itself.

I now welcome it, I listen to it and I transform it into music, into that thing that allows me to use my voice as loud as my soul needs to. The most powerful thing you can do, is finding that way to transform something that might be defined as bad, into something powerfully creative. The goal and secret is this: utilising an emotion considered as negative into something constructive. The challenge is that you need to find the clarity to listen to that feeling so that you know where it is trying to guide you. For that, you got to allow yourself to feel.

Thank you for reading me.